Hormone Therapy 1 Month In

I'm clearly not so good at this blogging thing. I'll get better.

When I last went to see my Dr., he advised me that since I was "perimenopausal" and my uterine wall was "slightly thinned", he'd put me on hormone therapy. Specifically: Estriadol 2mg twice a day cycle days 2-25 and Progesterone 10mg cycle days 21-25.

He was right. I do feel better. Mostly-with the exception of the spare tire I've acquired. I'm not as moody. I have more energy. I sleep better. I'm more interested in sex(TMI?).

Is it terribly vain to not like the extra few pounds I'm carrying around my middle? Am I shallow for feeling a little ambivalent about the changes(specifically the weight gain) my body will undergo if and when I get pregnant? I swear, I'm not a shallow, vain person. I just happen (for the most part) to like the way I look.

As R previously mentioned, after much discussion and thought, my husband and I have decided to wait until the beginning of next year to move forward. $20,000 is a lot of money, and of course, we'll do whatever we need to do, but we agree that since we've found an insurance carrier that covers about 80% of the costs, why not wait a few months until open enrollment, change insurance companies, and put a little money into savings.

I spent several hours on the phone with a nurse from the insurance company who covers infertility and specifically one that covers egg donation. It was worth the investigation. I asked many many questions that my husband had, R had, and I had. The moral here is, if and when faced with infertility it's worth it to shop around a bit to see what insurance carriers in your area offer and what they exclude.

Of course, the downside, and I admit, a small worry of mine is the delay by 3-4 months. Originally, we were looking at a target of mid September or so. Now, we're looking at January 2012. Mostly, my concern is what if by waiting for new insurance, I end up waiting too long? Of course, logically, I realize everything will work out the way it's supposed to work out.

My Doctor said we'd continue the hormone therapy to "maintain" my uterine lining at optimal thickness. He reassured me that a few months' time would not matter so much in the bigger picture of things. I sure hope he's right.

So for now, a holding pattern.

~K

The average cost of obtaining a known egg donor is approximately $20,000 (anonymous donors are more expensive, due to the third party agency involved).

That's a small car.

Or college.

Or... you get the idea.

K and her husband and more than willing to pay that amount for the chance to get pregnant, but they just found out that they don't have to - Their health insurance has a plan to cover it.

The problem?

Open enrollment for that policy is in October, and the policy takes effect in January.

So, after all that waiting...

we wait. Until January 1st, 2012.

Hopefully we can begin to sync cycles before that so we're completely ready on 1/1/12, but until then...

{See you in a few months!}

And now... we wait. Again. {By R.}

Waiting is ok in this case, though.

I had my phone interview with the doctor last week. I expected a lot of "do you realize that X, Y, and Z can happen?" but instead heard a very detailed summary of what to expect in the next couple of months.

Because I know you're wondering... he basically said "You are going to give yourself a lot of shots in the stomach. These shots are very important. If you mess up the shots, we have to start all over at the beginning, which means more shots for you. So, if you have any questions about the shots - even at 2 am - call and ask so you don't mess it up."

No stress.

But first things first. I wait patiently while the doctors sync K's monthly cycle to mine, so that when I am ready to go in for the egg retrieval she is ready to accept the eggs. Well, not her. Her uterus. You guys knew what I meant, right?

This is the first time in my life that I have been looking forward to getting my period.

Crazy.

It's Official!

After a lot of waiting (3 months, to be exact), we finally have some news - This week, I was medically cleared to donate my eggs!

I offered my eggs in March, and to be honest, K and I have done a lot of waiting since then.

We waited for her to get her period (for blood testing).

Then we waited for her to get her period again.

During all of this waiting, we weren't told that *I* had to give blood during the third day of my period, too.

So, we waited for me to get my period. The third day of your period is a "magic day" to tell where your egg levels are, I guess. And yes, there's probably a fancier name for "egg levels," but you'll have to excuse me for not knowing it yet.

So far, we have learned that fertility clinics don't often work together. And if they do work together, they rarely do it from different states. It appears that we are the first out of state donor/recipient team to work with either of these clinics, and that means that there have been some bumps that are causing this process to go a little slower than usual.

So, K and I are learning as we go, and trying to keep each other grounded through the "HOW did they not tell us THAT?" phases. We're doing a good job, I think.

Next step? Synchronizing our cycles (I can't get synchronized swimmers out of my head) and going in for Day 3 labs again next month. From what we understand, the daily hormone injections will start around then and we're hoping for an August-September retrieval date!

Allow me to introduce myself...

Hi, I'm K.

I had this idea the other day. What if I started a journal about this process from my point of view that I could give to my sister in law to add to her blog when this process was all said and done.

I approached her with my idea and she suggested we co-write her blog.

This is my story:

I'm a "40ish" year old woman who was recently told that I couldn't have children. I've always known I've wanted children. A lot of them.

My husband and I waited to marry until later in life. I was busy building my career, traveling, and quite frankly, dating the wrong men.

My husband and I figured it'd take a little time to become pregnant, but, I was overly optimistic we'd have no problem conceiving. When, after several months of trying to get pregnant we weren't, I decided to try one of our local fertility clinics. Our friends had used this clinic-twice-with beautiful results. Perfect! We're on our way to being 3, then, God willing, 4. Wrong.Again.

I went through several months of blood tests, ultrasounds, and hystero-salpingograms only to be told I was "perimenopausal". What?! I was almost inconsolable. How could that be? I'm healthy. I workout regularly, eat well, don't smoke or do drugs, and drink alcohol in moderation. Why me? There are millions of women everywhere my age and older who have children. I was told my only options were adoption or egg donation.

My husband urged me to get a 2nd opinion. Turns out, he really didn't care for the Dr at the fertility clinic we had been to. I was floored. My husband likes everyone. I agreed to get a 2nd opinion, but I procrastinated.

Fast forward several months. I got the dreaded question from my brother: "hey, are you guys trying to get pregnant? What's up? Why aren't you pregnant yet?" Ugh. I had to tell him. Of course. So, I took a deep breath and did my best to calmly and without crying(my brother HATES crying) tell him my sad news. I made him promise to keep my secret. For 2 reasons. #1. I should be the one to tell my sister in law(his wife). #2 I have a family member(who we'll refer to as X) who can be extremely cruel, and who, quite frankly, I'm not up to dealing with.

I start the process of telling my sister in law. Like any great sister in law, she asks lots of questions and is very supportive. I inform her about being told of my two options: egg donation and adoption.

In all honesty, when I was told a year ago I'd need an egg donor and asked if I'd had any sisters who could give me some of their eggs, I'd immediately thought of my sister in law. She's the mother of 2 perfect children. But no, I couldn't ask her to do that. I'm not one to ask for things. Plus, I'm a medical professional. I have a slight idea of what the process is and what's involved. It's too much to ask.

I was speechless when she offered me her eggs. Her reasoning: I have them. You don't. You need them. I don't, so, take mine.

How do you thank someone for the gift they're willing to give you? How do you show them the depths of your gratitude?

It's such a great comfort to my husband and I to know our egg donor rather than using an anonymous donor.

I have many theoretical dilemmas. If this process is successful, what do I tell my children about their aunt? Their cousins? When do I tell them? What about the repercussions/fall out of not wanting family member X knowing the truth? The effects of this person knowing would be far reaching, complicated, and quite possibly devastating.

Armed with a renewed hope and medical records from fertility clinic A, I made an appointment at fertility clinic B. I have to say, I like this Dr so much more than the last Dr who treated me. He's thorough, genuine, and speaks to me on a level I can relate to. He patiently answered all the questions I, my husband, sister in law and brother had. He helped me research the fertility clinics in my sister in law's area to help us choose the best one for both of us.

There will be shots, pills, ultrasounds, plane rides, minor operative procedures. Can I really ask my sister in law to make such a large sacrifice? For me? Am I being selfish? I feel guilty. Guilty for my sister in law and what's to come. Guilty for my brother, and their children and the effects this will have on their lives. Guilty for my husband and that I've failed him as a wife and a woman. Guilty for my sweet and adoring mother in law that I can't giver her the grandchildren she prays for daily.

The waiting continues. We wait for me to start my period again so I can start taking estrogen and progesterone to get my uterus ready in anticipation of implanting a fertilized egg. Waiting for my sister in law to get her period so she can be tested to make sure her eggs are a viable option.

I'm afraid. Afraid of getting my hopes up. Afraid of being pregnant. Afraid I won't be a good mother. Afraid that if something tragic were to happen to my husband and I, I'd want only my brother and sister in law to raise my children, but would that be way too much to ask of them?

This has been a long post. Subsequent posts will be shorter. My sister in law and I felt it important to share my story too, so now you know it.

Thank you for reading. Thank you for your prayers and support.

~K

Still Waiting - An Update

K went on a vacation and just got back this past weekend.

Why do you need to know that?

Because she got her period while she was on vacation, and wasn't able to get to the fertility clinic within the "magic three-day window" needed to start the donation process.

That means that we are still waiting.

One more month (that's not necessarily a bad thing).

We heard that the genetic testing my brother-in-law was required to do came back normal.

We heard that I will most likely be able to skip a trip across the country for the pre-donation counseling appointment, and instead speak to the doctor or counselor over the phone. I like this :) K and her husband are paying a lot of money for all of this, and it seemed that a cross country trip to the clinic for an hour long interview was an unnecessary expense. With Skype, who needs to meet in person anymore?

I came across a helpful article today at AskAnEggDonor.com. Her site is great, and I can't wait to take some time to read a little more.

Today I told my boss about the donation and how it might look regarding work and time off. I expected her to ask me to keep her in the loop, but instead she teared up and gave me a hug. I had absolutely no idea how to respond (so, true to myself, I rambled on and on). I feel completely awkward accepting praise with this. It's completely out of my comfort zone.

I would love your thoughts. I say thank you. I acknowledge that it is a big deal. I smile big.

What else can I say?

Now, we wait.

My sister-in-law went to the doctor, filled out a bunch of paperwork, and sent some to me.

I filled out my stack (personal questions, anyone?) and sent the package back to the fertility clinic.

Now, we wait.

We wait for her to start her cycle.

We wait for the doctors to "approve" me.

We wait.

It could all start in 4 weeks, or we could have to wait longer.

Is it awful to say that I'm a little bummed that this all fell together in the summer? I've been working pretty hard on being swimsuit ready. I have a feeling that all of the hormones I have to take will add a few pounds. I know how selfish that sounds, but this is all about honesty, right?

I think the waiting is the hardest. I'm not a good waiter. I have a lot of time to think. I have thought about all the "big" stuff, like making a child with my DNA that won't be mine. Now, I'm thinking about silly things. Like swimsuit season. And the 6 weeks of shots, and if they'll hurt. Will I be able to give the shots to myself? Since we're not telling my children, will I be able to hide the shots from them? Will I be emotional and moody for 6 weeks?

Ok, back to waiting...